Official Website of Comedian Roy Wood Jr.

Pimp Slap Buddhist Monks April 28, 2007
CEDAR RAPIDS, IA- Good day to be in Iowa. If there’s ever such a day. From the looks of my calendar it seems like my manager is on a mission to get me to perform in every city in the state in the next month. Burlington, Cedar Rapids, Dubuque, Bettendorf, Quad Cities, and next month Des Moines. The funny part is that I’m looking forward to every city.
	I’m finally in a part of the country that carries Chicago Cubs Baseball so at least I have a reason to cut on my TV while I’m in the hotel. I spent Thursday night in Burlington shooting pool with fellow Myspacer Trent.. Cool guy, him and his son. Gotta respect a man who has his son as a designated driver.
Now compare that to Saturday afternoon here in Cedar Rapids, where I did this afternoon luncheon with some radio station people. It was at one of those weird ritzy places where if you order a steak it doesn’t come with a side order. I asked for a 10 oz Sirloin and this is what they sent… That's It. Just a plate with a piece of meat. No Baked Potato, No steamed Veggies, No Garlic Bread. Just a piece of meat, drizzled in steak sauce, and a flower on the top. $27. They wanted $7 for the baked potato...I'll pass. Meanwhile at the sports bar here’s what $27 could’ve bought me… And I STILL would've had $3 bucks left to play two games of pool. We all know I’m not a big fan of mingling with the rich but I have to go places like this just to get a taste of just how detached rich people are with the rest of the world. As I enjoyed my steak with no potato something across the room caught my eye. It was over at the bar...
	The Buddha- Bar. A Buddha bar. Yes, A Buddha Bar. A bar. A place where you go to get drunk. Named after a man who represents peace and tranquility. Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Most statues associated with Buddhism are traditionally reflective of the tranquil nature that the religion promotes. Not at the Buddha Bar my friend… please...look at the pic again... Look at Ol' Buddha. Arms in the air ‘raising the roof’. I deliberately made this pic larger so that you could see the MARDI GRAS BEADS that someone put around his neck and the green ones hanging from his belly button. Yes…Mardi Gras Beads. Because that’s what ol’ Buddha meant when he was teaching his followers about tranquility…go to New Orleans and demand that women show their breasts and then get crunk with Grey Goose and Hypnotic. The more I stared at the this bar, the more I became upset. I'm not upset with the bar. I'm upset with Buddhists for being so lame and inactive in modern culture that this type of disrespect for their religion can go unchecked.
	No bar in America would do this to Christians. You'll never find a “Jesus Bar” You know why? Because Christians would protest, or throw rocks or do something crazy. When it comes to staging a good religious protest, Christians aren't in the top 3 but even the most casual Christian would frown upon $4 Hennessey shots in the name of the Lord. And even if they didn't care enough about it to speak on it, I'm pretty sure they'd have reservations about going to such a place.
There’s no “Pope Bar” Catholics would get pissed and speak out against it. Someone in a high hat would come down to Iowa and denounce that bar in the name of the Catholic church. Do you REALLY think the Catholic Church would let something like this fly... And don’t get me started with the Muslim’s….There wouldn’t be a Muhammad Bar. Or a 'Jihads'. Last year a Danish newspaper ran an editorial cartoon that depicted the prophet Muhammad wearing a bomb shaped turban. In their religion ANY depiction of Muhammad is considered offensive. CLICK HERE TO CATCH UP ON CURRENT EVENTS Muslims Protested for months over this cartoon. People died because of this cartoon. When it comes to staging a good protest to demand respect for your religion no one does it better than Muslims. They're clearly the gold medalist. 'South Park' was slated to do a satire of the cartoon incident and air their own depiction of the Prophet Muhammad but the network censored the episode. Can u blame them? People think America has tolerance for all religions. That's a lie. American's only respect religions that demand respect. Do you really think Comedy Central would challenge a religion whose followers will go up against a tank? The guy in this picture is CLEARLY about to die but as you can see he's about get off one more rock. Muslims whoop some ass. They shoot people, they blow shit up, they throw rocks at tanks, they know how to get their point across.
It may be the wrong point, but when the dust settles you’re going to know how a Muslim feels about something. They may kill the wrong people in the name of Allah, but at the end of the day it was this very reputation that was part of the reason for the network not airing the episode. Nothing gets the party started like a good flag burning. The only Christian protestors that come close to matching a Muslim's Enthusiasm are the abortion people. Every now and then they'll shoot a doctor or beat up a chick leaving the clinic. But no level of violence at an Abortion clinic can compare to the crunkness of a group of pissed off Muslims. It’s a sad day when Scientologists get more respect than you guys. You’ve been around for ages but the moment South Park did an episode about Scientology Tom Cruise and Issac Hayes were all in an uproar. We're talking about a religion that's only been around for 50 years getting more respect than your which has been around for more than 1,600 years !!!! C'mon Buddhists. Where are your protestors? Where’s your congressional lobbyists? Where’s the Buddhist suicide bombers? Never once have I watched CNN and heard the newscast begin with...
"And in other news today 18 people were killed when Buddhist Extremists set off a bomb in the Gaza Strip"
Get the with the Game Buddhist monks. Come down from your mountain in Tibet and protest stuff and blow some shit up. It’s the only way rich people are going to respect you. If the stereotypes about you guys are true then I'm sure you know plenty of Kung-Fu so if anyone gives you some lip then hit with some of those Uma Thurman Kill Bill 2 moves. And if you can’t find something in society that disrespects your religion then do like the catholic church and molest little boys. Groups suicides, a Myspace page, anything!! THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS BAD PRESS!! I don’t want to see your culture to continually get pimp slapped by random places in America that serve steaks with no baked potato. I’ve tried my best to think of ways to get you guys some respect, if you come up with some better ideas then let me know. I'll be in Cedar Rapids enjoying a Crown and Coke...at the Buddha Bar. "Raise the Roof in the Name of Buddha" Wood, Jr.