FEBRUARY 15, 2006

SLEEPING AT TRUCK STOPS 

"You need to quit sleeping at Truck Stops"

My aunt says that to me about once a month. She knows on long drives that I'm quick to pull over and sleep in my car if time permits. Truck stops are much safer than highway rest areas, better lighting, constant flow of people traffic, and there's plenty of security cameras. At least if someone kidnaps me here, there will be a few witnesses.

I don't sleep at any truck stop; the 'Flying J' truck stop is where you'll usually find me.  They appear to always be the busiest and the cash registers are at the very front of the store and afford the 3-4 cashiers an unobstructed view of the parking lot. I park at the very front of the store in front of these women. 

I'm currently on the longest leg of a 10-city in 10-days run of colleges.

Rather than do a 10-hour drive from Virginia to Atlanta straight through, I've elected to chill at a Flying J outside of Greensboro, NC for a while.

Before I settle in for my 2-3 hour nap I usually go inside and check my e-mail. Sitting motionless in a truck stop for more than 10-minutes is usually an invitation to meet someone weird but to be honest, I've actually met some cool people these past few days on the road.

There are still good people left in this world. 

There's 8-year old Mario who wants to be a comedian so bad that he begged his mom to bring him to my daytime comedy show in Rome, GA.  Daytime comedy shows at colleges are profanity / alcohol free performances so his mom saw it as a rare opportunity to expose her son to comedy in a pure environment. You've got to respect a parent that takes a day off work to expose her son to the arts. 

I met Lara from North Carolina who drove almost 2 hours to catch a show. I met Jonathan and his two girlfriends in Morgantown, WV.  And then there's Justin and the countless others from Myspace.com who've come to the shows in the past few weeks.

However, none of them can top this man.

That's Roger, a truck driver from Mississippi. Roger wanted me to check some lotto numbers for him online. A few clacks of the keyboard revealed that Roger's ticket was worth $100. He handed me the ticket to be sure the numbers were right. This is when I noticed that the date on the lotto ticket was for last week's drawing. The ticket wasn't a winner. But I couldn't tell Roger, he was already celebrating.

He was smiling too hard. So I simply handed him the ticket back and said "Congratulations. What are you going to do with the extra money?". Roger's reply. "Lot Lizards"

What's a 'Lot Lizard'? I'm glad you asked. A Lot Lizard is the truck stop prostitute. Much cheaper than a prostitute in the city, 'Lot Lizards' are often referred to as the 'Dollar Store' of hookers. These women have given up the chance at fortune and fame by having sex with rich men in major cities to pleasure Americas truckers.what sacrifice.

"There's usually some down off exit 18 at the Pilot Truck Stop, You want to follow me down there?"  Roger Continues.  I nod 'NO' and then Roger blurts out,  "Aww C'mon Man!!! I know you got time for some Lot Lizards! My treat!!

As I gathered my things to leave I again declined his offer to pay for my disease infested truck stop prostitute. As I settled in my car for my nap, I thought to myself.when's the last time someone you know won some money in the lottery and offered to share some of it with you? Even if it was a disease infested prostitute.

My aunt's right.  I need to quit sleeping at truck stops.

"It's just my thoughts, Right or wrong just what I was thinking at the time"

Wood, Jr.