 |
| Some call it a blog, that's fine by me. The restriction of opinions on morning radio have banished me to my own website to give you my two cents on whatever is on my mind. I may not be right, I may not have a clue. It may just be pointless babble. But it's just my two cents.
Scroll down for some recent blogs. Click the link to go into the archives. |
| TWO PENNIES' ARCHIVES |
Nov. 8th 2007
NOTE: This blog is long and aimless. If you don’t feel like reading it then below is a list of cites I have booked as of right now through April 2008. If I'm not yet booked near your town it's because God is angry with your city and he has smite thou into an existence with no comedy from me. Repent ye old sinner. Here's a list of the cities that God loves...(*as of right now*)
Tampa, Ft. Wayne(IN), Louisville, Birmingham, Sioux Falls(SD), Indianapolis, Peoria(IL), Baltimore, Atlanta, & Memphis. Go to my Tour Dates page either on my full website or here on myspace for exact dates.
Now for those of you with a little time on your hands....
I’m going to miss places like Pella though. If it weren’t for the colleges that book me I’d probably never see these parts of America. The best part of doing college shows is to mingle with the locals.
Some
of them are cool. (* i.e. Trent and that cool ass lady from Oklahoma
City *) but then there’s weirdo’s like this black lady who showed up
at college gig I had in Raleigh, NC.
I could spend hours talking about this lady but I’ll simply say that anyone in 2007 who DELIBERATELY leaves the house with a Metallic Gold Hat, Metallic Gold coat, and Metallic Gold Slippers needs a hug...and a fashion intervention.
I see dumb shit like this on the road all the time. I should take more pictures and post them in some sort of Myspace album or something.
BEER COOLERS & TAPE MEASURES
I spend so much time in blogs running my mouth about dumb stuff that I forget to thank people sometimes. Big shot out to Alabama Power for allowing me to be part of their Annual Corporate Seminar in Montgomery last month.
Basically I was to be the comedic relief for the employees after a long morning of power point presentations and a plate of over-cooked chicken.
They gave me a rolling cooler “for tailgating” and an Alabama Power tape measure / leveler “for building stuff” the lady said. Not really sure if I understand the correlation between the two gifts.
Maybe they want to make sure my beer is cold while I’m drunk and operating a buzz saw. None the less both gifts were nice gestures.
I didn’t have the heart to tell her what it meant to “Superman dat hoe”. She seemed so happy doing the dance and I didn't want to spoil the moment.
Speaking of the Soulja boy. Did Ja hear the one about the chick that FELL OFF THE STAGE while doing the soulja boy? Someone sent me this video from youtube. You know the drill. Click the link if you can't see the embedded video.
What I love about this video is that the person next to her had enough sense to NOT do the side step part of the dance because the stage was too small. Oh well, I guess you gotta respect her level of dedication to the dance steps.
For those of you that are fans of Cam’ron music do me a favor and drop him a message and tell him I said thanks.
I plan on doing the same and offering him up a few more pranks to use for any future projects he has coming up but that'll have to wait for a d
But shhhhhhhh let's not talk about that. I dont want to jinx anything. Those of you that have been reading these blogs for a while know my album release date has been pushed back for months and months.
BACK IN THE MUD
None the less, winter is almost upon us so it’s time to get back to the clubs.
The worst thing I could’ve done this month is taken part in Matt Davis’ “Sin Show” in Knoxville, TN last week. The Sin Show is a traveling production Matt puts on for the “Never Offended”. Most people came expecting to hear a few curse words and maybe some moderately edgy anti-religion material…that was the first 5 minutes.
Punchlines at the show ranged from comics grabbing aborted babies by the ankles and smashing them against walls, to Matthew Lumpkin masturbating on/with his couch, to (*my personal fav*) Carlos Valencia talking about how the ‘Amber Alerts’ system has “make it difficult for him to date hot chicks.”
Wood, Davis, & Lumpkin...and an angry U.S. Troop
I don't have any material that comes CLOSE to being as edgy as these guys, but I'm pretty sure if I walked into the Alabama Power rally and did my bit about why Construction workers must die or the homeless lady that got hit w/ the blueberry muffin I'd be stripped of my beer cooler and tape measure.
Performing without the fear of corporate reprimand is a luxury afforded only to comics in the upper echelon of our business. And the sin show gave me a taste of what it feels like to truly speak your mind without the possibility of reprecussions.
For me doing comedy in Comedy Clubs is the next closest thing to a 'Sin Show' after 2 months straight in the college market. I love doing colleges and corporate work and I gladly respect the restrictions they put on language and topics. Besides, in most of those forums, people just want to be entertained not preached to.
Time to get back in the pulpit.
I'm not a shock comic in the least but I have thoughts that go through my brain that I won't even mention here because this blog doesn't' give me the opportunity to put them into the right context without sounding like an asshole. Time to get back in the Mud,
Please go to my 'TOUR DATES' links to check out the new dates for 2008.
If your city isn’t listed it’s because they don’t want to book me or I’ve pissed them off. Either way, an e-mail to your local comedy club could fix either situation.
“A conformist has never changed the system”- Immortal Technique
Wood, Jr.