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October 6th, 2008

“You decide who you are. Who you want to be, and you hold on to that.” – Debra Morgan ‘Dexter’

SOUTH BEACH MIAMI- Something's wrong with me. I’m demented. I’ve accepted that and I will now proceed with my regularly scheduled life. I know that I’m not normal because the things that I often find funny no one else laughs at. I’m often apprehensive to share those things with third parties for fear of being judged.

 A new day has arisen. Because now, I don’t care anymore.

 There’s definitely something wrong with me. I learned this last week on South Beach. I was doing a few college shows down there so I managed to hook up with a few old buddies from college and we went out to run the streets after my show.

They came bearing a gift. The 2008-09 Miami Dolphins Cheerleader Calendar.

Being that I’m a dolphins fan this would seem like a pretty decent give. Scantily clad women dressed in the colors of your favorite football team.  Smiling on the beach in corny unrealistic poses should be every man’s dream. But for some reason I was disappointed.

 Here’s what one of my usual calendar’s looks like.

Now if you compare that to the dolphins calendar.

If you’ll notice… there’s no where on the Dolphin's calendar for me to write in my performance dates.  Don’t get me wrong, the calendar is every easy on the eyes but it doesn’t serve me much of a practical use. If I wanted to see women in the water with odd looking mammals for the next 18-months I’d go buy the Season 1 DVD of ‘Flavor of Love’ and look for the hot tub episodes

None the less it was a good deed by my friends. Just troubles me that the first thing I looked at on this calendar was for space to write in my schedule instead of nipples and camel toes.

Something’s wrong with me. 

Here’s a few videos from around the net that have been stuck in my head.  I know I’m wrong for finding this stuff funny but I can’t help myself. Here’s a good one,

 She Got Booked

This dude hit this girl in the head with a book in a college Computer lab. The act itself is wrong, but to witness it is hilarious. What supposedly happened was, a young man was on a computer in a Library. He got up to do something and another girl sat down and began closing all of his applications.  When he explained to the young lady that he was still using the terminal she refused to get up.

 Rather than take the matter to a Librarian the young man took matters into his own hands. I'm not advocating violence againse women.

 she got booked

Trampoline Stunt

This Video explains why I love white people. And why Trampolines and Alcohol don’t mix.

Sealab: 2021

There’s this show that I’m hooked on called ‘Sealab 2021”  it’s another one of those none sensical shows that runs on Cartoon Network.  Here’s a funny scene.

The Cleveland Steamer

I love The Bob & Tom Radio program. It's great to be a part of the tour dates but I'm honestly a fan of some of the silly songs they did. The did one called,  ‘The Cleveland Steamer’. If you don’t know what a ‘Cleveland Steamer’ is. All I can say is Google it.

If you REALLY want some fun then Google all the terms they refer to in this song. HOWEVER...If you're on a company computer you may not want to pull up any of these terms.  I don’t condone any of the sexual acts that are mentioned in this song. They're all quite disgusting to me. However,  I do find it hilarious when a man sings these sexual terms as if they’re actually romantic.

 My personal Favorites… the  "Change Machine" and ”The Alabama Hot Pocket”.  I’ve been living in Birmingham since the 2^nd grand and I’ve never heard of that shit.  The good thing about this song is that after looking up what some of this stuff meant and knowing that there's people out there actually doing it....maybe there ISN'T anything wrong with me after all.

 Enjoy peeps.

Wood, Jr.