Official Website of Comedian Roy Wood Jr.

**What the Fck Happened to Math?* August 24**, 2007
MEMPHIS- It’s always fun to have a day off in middle America. I’m in a bad mood. And a 96 Degree day is the perfect day to be pissed. I like when I’m in a bad mood. It’s like the McRib or a Lindsay Lohan arrest, I don’t know when in the year it’s going to happen, but when it does I know I’m going to be happy as hell.	Is it possible for a county to have a mayor?
When I’m mad, my creative juices overflow and my pen and paper can’t keep up with the thoughts that run from my brain. Some comics force themselves to write new material every day but not me. I’m more like a joke farmer. I walk around all year with joke premises stored between my head, e-mails and tattered pieces of paper. Then, once or twice a year comes an event that fertilizes these possible new jokes with the anger and malcontent needed for them to grow into something that I can make sense of and regurgitate on stage. I think it’s healthy to be angry from time to time, but you have to try hard to keep from being mean to other people. I should’ve tried a little harder last week.
LOS ANGELES- About two weeks ago I lost A LOT of pictures and files on both my computer and my laptop. I have a good idea about how the files got deleted but getting upset about that wasn’t going to replace my files so I focused my attention to data recovery. If it’s one thing that the dusty innards of my last computer hard drive taught it's
BACK-UP BACK-UP AND BACK-UP SOME MORE. Thankfully I purchased an external hard drive a few months back for additional storage space so I was able to recover EVERY SINGLE PICTURE. I’m usually not the sentimental type but a lot of those pics meant a lot to me Anyway. It was during this data transfer that I decided that I didn’t like the way the hard drive operated so I went to Best Buy to return it for another. While standing in line to pay for my Hard Drive and a few DVDs the power went out inside Best Buy. To prevent a looting spree, management IMMEDIATELY corralled people to the front of the store. I was next in line. So needless to say I was pissed at my bad fortune. The manager assured everyone in line that we’d get our spot backing line. To which I asked.. “What if you’re paying cash?” Can’t you just do the math on paper?” He looked at me as if I spoke a foreign language. “Um Sir we need our computers up to ring people up, for inventory purposes.” To which I replied.. ME: “Can’t you write the items sold down on a sheet of paper and when the computers come back up adjust your inventory accordingly?” MANAGER: “I’m sorry sir everyone has to leave the store.” To which I mumbled under my breath… *“What the fck happened to math?”** The people around me chuckled but I was dead serious.
	Remember all those standardized tests you took in high school? They’d make you do math on a scratch sheet of paper. What the fck was the point of that? What the Fck is the point of making me work out math problems on scratch paper if the first time the power goes out in an electronics store we act like we don’t remember how to add 8% sales tax to a DVD that’s $14.99 Retail.
If you’re paying w/ credit card or check, then fine the power outage affects you. But if you’re paying cash, the person running the register should be able to simple math. No different that buying a hot dog at a baseball game. You don't see those guys toting a big ass cash register up and down the stairs.
Cash registers were invented to track inventory and because it takes forever to do long addition. We as society are too dependent upon technology. The moment one thing goes wrong we get all up in arms like the world is about to end. Traffic lights go out and people all stop at the intersection like retards who don’t have enough sense to treat it like a 4-way stop. Cable goes out and you walk around your house like there isn’t any other form of entertainment. You ever gone 2 days without internet access? Drives you crazy doesn’t it? I stood there in Best Buy looking at people walk around like it was the end of the world and I could only think about one thing. I Can't wait for the Aliens to come.
	I love how all these alien movies show the bad creatures invading our society and they get the best of us at first only to have mankind fight back tooth and nail to win back our planet. Complete Fiction. As soon as the Aliens come, we’re going to get our asses kicked. Depending on the type of aliens that come to invade this country I'm thinking total annhilation of our planet should take around 30-45 mintues.
My only hope is that the aliens start their destruction on the east coast so that I can can get a few hours of TV coverage here in L.A. before I die. I Can't wait for the aliens to come. Predator was pretty cool, but he only came to Earth as a trophy hunter and killed people one at a time. Not Very effective. How could you not laugh as Tom Cruise and others fled the alien heat ray in 'War of the Worlds.' Hate to spoil the movie for you but it ends with all the Aliens dying because they catch a viral infection. Up until then, anything the humans did to stop them didn’t work. Missiles, nuclear weapons, nothing worked. Aliens came to kill us all and they died because they forgot to pack cough and cold medicine.
Do you really think the military is prepared to protect you from Aliens? Do you really think Will Smith can protect you from the Aliens? We aren't prepared for an alien invasion. Best Buy isn't even prepared for a power outage. I hope the Aliens come and this time I hope the pack some Nyquil. Wood, Jr.