Look Both ways before crossing the train tracks. That’s what you see all the time. You see the signs. You see it on the back of school buses. “We stop at ALL Railroad Crossings”. STOP, LOOK, LISTEN I believe was the railroad safety campaign they had back in the day. Remember that corny video in driver’s ed class? STOP you car. LOOK for the train. LISTEN for the Train.
This wasn’t supposed to be a blog. This blog actually started as a blog comment I was leaving for Divine Inspiration but it got too long.
In her Railroad Blog yesterday she praised the men and women who install the safety lights and gates at railroad crossings. Very short, very nice heartfelt blog. I respect what these people do, but in the greater scheme of things, their job is pointless.
They should be phased out. All Train and Gate & Light technicians should be laid off in a systematic fashion based on seniority. For the sake of this blog let’s call them John and Julio. What John and Julio do for a does living save lives. But personally I think crossing equipment is a waste of state budget money. The gates and lights that John and Julio are installing is saving all the wrong people.
There should only be one thing at a train crossing… a stop sign. Maybe a picture of a train hitting a car. Anything beyond that in my opinion only saves stupid people from themselves. Every year there’s video of a jackass trying to beat the train. These videos only prove that stupid people are going to be stupid no matter how hard you try to protect them from themselves.
The dumbass hears the train horn BLARING. Which according to Google is about 140 Decibels. Ignoring this loud sound, he circumnavigates the very lights and gates that we praise (and my tax dollars pay for). He’s got ‘X-Men 2′ and ‘Monster’s Ball’ and he doesn’t want to pay the late fee so hes trying to haul ass to Blockbuster Video.
He tries to cross the tracks and BLAM!!! His car gets pummeled, he dies, and if he doesnt die, fire fighters have to come and pull his moaning body from the wreckage.
Police now have to come to the scene and measure off distances and tape up the scene. Redirect traffic because you know that train is going to be in the intersection for a while.
They cant simply move the train because the car is stuck under the train and now they have to call in a crane or some shit to lift the locomotive off the track to get the car from underneath. God forbid the train is carrying sulfuric acid or some other corrosive chemical bullshit because now you have to evacuate an entire neighborhood. The chemical cloud blows east and now you can’t go home for 3 weeks because some dumbass took on the acid train in his Ford Taurus.
To add insult to injury, the train conductor has to take 3 piss tests to prove he wasn’t snorting cocaine while running the train. It’s not his fault he hit the guy. There’s no shoulder for a train to swerve onto to avoid people. Shit even if he was high on cocaine it’s not like being sober wouldve helped his response time. It takes 2-3 miles to bring a freight train to a complete stop and sober or not, this man only had about 300 feet of response time to work with.
After they cant blame the train conductor then it’s on to our beloved John and Julio. The police have to be sure the gate and lights were operating properly. So now John and Julio are pissing in a cup as well. The same people were praising are being put under undue scrutiny.
And even if the police conclude that the gate and lights were working properly. Billy McBlockbuster’s family is STILL going to sue the city and blame the Light and Gate guys & the sober train conductor. The family will get one of those horrible attorneys that has the TV commercial that starts with a police siren or audio of a car wreck.
The attorney will then spin the case and say that the gates and lights should’ve gone down sooner and his client wouldve been able to return ‘X-Men 2′ safely. The family has no case but the City won’t even defend John and Julio because it’s cheaper to pay off the lawsuit than to spend 3 years dragging it through court.
And don’t forget the people you evacuated from the neighborhood are going to sue everyone too because 30 years from now they’re going to all have sulfuric acid cancer of the ass cheek and they’re going to blame it on that train wreck 30 years ago.
This is all of course assuming that this wasn’t a passenger train. Because if it is, then you’ve got 40-50 people onboard complaining about their neck hurting, now it’s a class action lawsuit against the city, the Light and Gate Manufacturer and John and Julio.
As part of the lawsuit settlement, John and Julio are fired and they’re stuck cutting grass at a minor league baseball stadium for the rest of their lives.
In 2009 the team relocates to Florence, SC leaving John and Julio with no job. A month later, John is stabbed to death with a butter knife during a dice game. Julio returns to El Paso, TX and resumes his life of male prostitution and is later killed in a back alley by another male prostitute for trying to steal one of his regular customers.
Traffic redirected, People evacuated from their homes, countless insurance dollars spent, a city gone bankrupt from lawsuits and a dead gay male prostitute.
See the horrible ripple effect of attempting to protect stupid people from themselves?
I say we give train conductors the freedom to speed up through railroad crossings. This way if they DO hit a car, the car will be his so hard that it gets blasted clear of the railroad tracks and doesn’t end up stuck under the train for 2 days holding up traffic.
As a matter of fact, I say no more horns on trains. Don’t give cars any warning that the train is approaching. No Horn, no headlights…STEALTH MODE.
This will improve railroad safety. I can assure you, if you hide trains in silence and darkness and allow it to go twice as fast through railroad crossings, more cars will get hit.
Now I know you think this is horrible but over time the number of cars getting hit will taper off. In addition to this, you give the people who are struck by the train NO LEGAL RIGHT to sue. You go around the gate of a railroad crossing you’re in the wrong PERIOD. SO WHAT if the arm should’ve come down sooner. You still heard the train horn.
But since you’re in such a rush to return a shitty superhero movie to Blockbuster we’re going to remove the gate and the lights. This way you don’t have to go through the trouble of swerving around them. But lets even the odds a little, cut the lights off on the train too. And the horn.
Releasing killer stealth trains on the public will improve railroad safety because Even if a dumbass still decides to risk crossing the tracks at the wrong time at least now he’ll…
STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN.
Problem Solved.
“Its just my thoughts. Right or wrong just what I was feeling at the time”-Jay-Z
Wood, Jr.
P.S.- Blockbuster doesnt have late fees anymore. So theres no need to risk your life.
