Balls of Lint on My Scrotum – An Open Letter to Rippa.
Hello Rippa.
This is a long read. So if you’re driving or busy with other things then save this message for later.
I don’t know you. But from the looks of things I assume you know me, but for formality’s sake I’ll introduce myself. My name’s Roy Wood Jr. I’m a stand-up comedian from Birmingham, Alabama. Since my humble beginnings at Florida A&M University in 1998 I’ve put together quite the career.
I’ve managed to perform everywhere from Vancouver to Bahrain & popped up on quite a few television networks. In this same time I’ve also been blessed to have my prank calls carried in over 40 radio markets while pursuing my own independent television endeavors.
I don’t tell you this to brag like the F-List celebrity that I pretend to be. I say this to prove a point. I’ve worked very hard over the past 12 years Rippa.
Very hard.
Something else I also do from time to time is blog . You know all about blogging. You have a blog titled ‘The Intersection of Madness & Reality’
I take pride in my blogs as I’m sure you do yours. So imagine my disappointment when I received an email from a fan last week that read
Hey Roy I noticed you redesigned your site and yet to update your archives. I couldn’t find your Lamont Sanford blog. I love reading it. I did a search for it and found it on Rippa’s site did you steal this blog from him? “
I don’t know what it’s like in the blogging world Rippa but we comedians take theft very seriously.
Because of my missing archives right now, I was worried that I’d have no way of proving that you stole this blog and preserve my credibility with a fan but then I remembered that I never deleted my Myspace page(remember those?). It took me 4-5 guesses to remember my password but when I finally logged in, look what I found.
My Blog From 2006: http://mysp.ac/cHrPq2
Your Blog from 2008: http://bit.ly/9MJD7l
JPG: http://bit.ly/dBilJl
“Men Lie. Women Lie. The date at the top of a Myspace blog don’t” – Jay-Z
I took the liberty of taking screenshots of these blogs just incase the links to your original posts… “no longer work” in the near future. Operating from the premise that ‘if you stole one of my blogs then you probably stole others’ I poked around your lovely website and sure enough I found more.
Who can forget YOU SHIT IN MY HOUSE’. One of my favorites. I guess the word ‘Shit’ was too much for you so you renamed it ‘THE BOOTY CALL THAT WENT BAD’
ME 2006: http://mysp.ac/98OlT0
YOU 2008: http://bit.ly/cdwPrA
JPG: http://bit.ly/cKzioA
This blog was one of my better ones. Even the great Necole Bitchie agreed. Hell she even gave you a shout out. How good must that have made you feel to know that others loved “our” work so much.
Necole Bitchie Link: http://bit.ly/8XwOCt
Its not like you’re incapable of giving people credit for stuff that you post. I saw by-lines in other posts all through your website.
THIS is how you treat me Rippa? After all the hilarious blogs we’ve written together? Not even a ‘co-creator’ credit? Did you AT LEAST vote for me when I was ‘Last Comic Standing’ this summer?
That’s the least you could’ve done.
Just to make sure I wasn’t missing something I did a search on your site for the words Roy + Wood + Jr
“No posts matching the query: roy wood jr”
“C’mon Son!”- Ed Lover
Because all of this happened 2 years ago, I wasn’t going to say anything but as recent as a few months ago I’ve noticed that you’ve REPOSTED some of my blogs AGAIN on your site. Not only did you steal my posts but you then have the audacity to RECYCLE them?
Here’s some other gems that you may have forgotten were written by me.
‘I STOLE YOUR MONOPOLY PIECES’
My Blog from 2005: http://mysp.ac/8XUoxv
Your Blog from 2008: http://bit.ly/bDJSRp
JPG: http://bit.ly/9fWHAe
LYING ASS GRANDPARENTS
ME 2006: http://bit.ly/9fWHAe
YOU 2008: http://bit.ly/ddCsZf
JPG: http://bit.ly/cKPHwu
QUIT SAVING STUPID PEOPLE:
ME: 2007 http://mysp.ac/cJ7Q1x
YOU 2008: http://bit.ly/9lie3K
JPG: http://bit.ly/9lie3K
POCKETS OF STUPIDITY
Me: 2006 : http://mysp.ac/dBKKMy
YOU 2008: http://bit.ly/aCKUJ5
*p.s. nice touch in this one on changing the hometown from ‘Birmingham’ to Pensacola.
JPG: http://bit.ly/cuZ7bR
McRib Blog http://bit.ly/cXXxBQ
JPG: http://bit.ly/cZfJP8
Rippa, you’re like a ball of lint on my scrotum.
You ever buy a new pair of underwear and when you take them off it sometimes leaves lint around your crotch?
I recall a time in college when I got up to take a morning piss and I saw a few dark green lint balls down there. I was too hungover to think logically and began to fall into a STD panic. I hadn’t had sex in months so if the symptoms were just now coming up then it was probably something incurable. I immediately went to WebMD.com and started searching for STD + GREEN + NUT SACK to see what new incurable condom proof disease our government had concocted.
It wasn’t until I got the nerve to touch these green foreign objects that I realized it was lint balls from the new underwear. What initially appeared to be a big deal, and an emergency was in fact not a big deal at all. It was just a ball of lint on my scrotum.
You’ve been stealing from me for years and during that time my career has done nothing but ascend. 2011 is already shaping up to be a great year for me and 2010 hasn’t even ended. Proof that your presence in my life is no more harmful to me than those balls of lint on my scrotum.
That’s what you are Rippa.
A piece of dyed cotton entangled in my uncombed pubic hairs.
I shouldn’t even be acknowledging your presence.
Maybe you didn’t steal my blogs. Maybe someone else gave them to you. Regardless, you posted something that YOU DID NOT WRITE nor acknowledge that you didn’t write it. That’s irresponsible.
The selfish thing you’ve done is call into question EVERYTHING on your site. Who else did you steal from? I’m sure people will wonder that now. That’s not fair to the credibility of other people that contribute to your page and more importantly the credibility of original works that you might actually pen.
Many have suggested I ‘sic” my lawyers on you. Because after all, you DID repost copy written materials without my permission. But where I’m from, suing a man just to make a point is considered “hoe-shit”. I will however, have my people sniff around and see if you’ve been making any money off your blog.
If so then that might change the complexion of all this.
I’ll get back to you on that.
There’s still hope for you Rippa. Assuming the other things you post aren’t stolen, you’re a wonderful orator and the social intentions of your blog seem to be very noble. No need to lie. Be who you are and people WILL accept you. There’s always room in the world for good brothers that are keeping it 100.
Ironically, Im more disappointed not at the blogs you stole but the ones you didn’t steal. Looking through my Myspace archives, you skipped over a few gems. What was wrong with the one I wrote last month? Was that one not ‘Rippa Worthy’?
http://www.roywoodjr.com/baby-you-cant-pray-that-direction/
Maybe I’m being insecure.
All in all, I hope that this letter found you in the best of spirits and best of health.
I wish you the best.
As you cruise the roads of this great nation may the sun always be in your eyes and may there always be an 18-wheeler in both blind spots.
May Delta Airlines give you the middle seat between two fat dudes on a cross-country flight and may your urine soaked luggage never arrive at its destination.
May the crabs that traverse your rectum burrow deep into your skin, reproduce often and leave open sores that heal slowly.
Rippa, you seem like you want to help open people’s eyes to the bullshit that surrounds us. So do I. We are allies. It is for that reason alone I still believe deep down you’re a good brother.
Prove me right.
Stop Stealing.
Fuck You.
Fuck Your Blog.
Fuck the computer you type it on.
You’re welcome.
Go Dolphins.
Wood, Jr.
“Take this [music] dead serious while others entertain/I see they making their paper so I guess I can’t complain/ or can I?/ I feel they disrespect the whole thang”- Andre 3000
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sleazy E, B DAHT, Pedro M Lima, Sekou Tyler, Bayou and others. Bayou said: RT @roywoodjr: New RWJ Blog. Balls of Lint on My Scrotum- An Open Letter to Rippa – http://b2l.me/arntf4 @RippDemUp [...]
woooww!!!
tell ‘em why you mad!
This blog is long and though I didn’t read it all, I got your point
Uhm, anyway, Rippa (unaware of who this is) is wrong point blank period.
So glad you have proof that this Rippa person is stealing your work. You are owed an apology and credit for ALL work of yours used in the future (and past).
ooh wee Roy Wood Jr!! love it! Greetings from H-Town.
ah Ha Ha!! Rippa better be more less selective in deciding on which blogs he might wanna snatch up without permission because its gotta bite if these two 18wheelers he missed cuz they were al in his blindspots doesnt seem safe if he about to change lanes yappin on a cell phone that drops outta his hands and he picks it while changin lanes…. uh oh….
U Stay on it Roy!!!
Keep it goin hard like u do. we love it down here.
*Anitra *
Oh man, being a blogger that would pen over 1500 word posts and might kill a b*tch if someone every stole my stories, I feel you. As an old friend who used to sit on the stoop between Sampson and Young, you are a F*CKING FOOL!!! Good ol’ B-ham, I love it…this post was CLASSIC.
IFCRN!!!! ICB!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!! *tear
I love it Roy!
I just want to know if he ever responded to you.
[...] Talk bad about my city (Birmingham, AL) in my presence. Or steal my jokes, blogs, or prank calls and present them as your own. Here’s an example, ‘Balls of Lint on My Scrotum – An Open Letter to Rippa.’ [...]
[...] Talk bad about my city in my presence. Or steal my jokes, blogs or prank calls and present them as your own. Here’s an example, “Balls of Lint on My Scrotum – An Open Letter to Rippa.” [...]
LOL! Wowzers! Now what did he do again?????……something about lint on somebody’s balls?…..LMBO!!!!!
Hey, I can’t view your site properly within Opera, I actually hope you look into fixing this.
HELL YEAH ROY! GET IN DAT-AZZ!
[...] Talk bad about my city (Birmingham, AL) in my presence. Or steal my jokes, blogs, or prank calls and present them as your own. Here’s an example, ‘Balls of Lint on My Scrotum – An Open Letter to Rippa.’ [...]
LOL! Wowzers! Now what did he do again?????……something about lint on somebody’s balls?…..LMBO!!!!!
I just want to know if he ever responded to you.
LOL! Wowzers! Now what did he do again?????……something about lint on somebody’s balls?…..LMBO!!!!!
IFCRN!!!! ICB!!!! ROTFLMAO!!!!! *tear I love it Roy!