NOTICE: Clyde’s advice is just that…advice. Honest advice but still, it’s just advice. So if you’re stupid enough to go out and do anything that a damn imaginary goat told you to do then you deserve whatever’s coming to you. None the less, the good people at RoyWoodJr.com are not responsible.
Email Clyde at: askclyde@aol.com
Why is err’body getting jealous of me? I got a Ipod, I got a Motorola RAZR cell phone, I got a brand new digital camera, and I got the 2001 Ford Focus EX. I also got three different pairs of alligator shoes too. I’m a college graduate and I got a college degree. I’m about to go back to graduate school and get me a Masters to. Do I have too many things to make people jealous? RONALD- NORMAN, OK
RONALD - One thing I’m sure you don’t got… is a degree in English. P.S. No one in America is jealous of a Ford Focus.
I’m 34-years old. My boyfriend of a year and a half has just told me that he doesn’t want kids. When we first started dating I made it clear that I wanted to be married and with a child by 40. “Steve” just recently got a job after being unemployed for almost 2 years. He’s intent on just working hard and not starting a family. Clyde I’m devastated. I want children so badly but it seems that Steve is not on the same page as me. I’m thinking about leaving him, what should I do? READY FOR KIDS- JOLIET, IL
DEAR READY, l think the more important question here is, why are you trying to start a family with a man who’s only 3 months removed from unemployment? Is the husband pool that dry up there in Joliet that you have to get the men as soon as they walk out of the unemployment office? Fatherhood is a big responsibility. And the last thing that poor bastard needs is you getting pregnant and then leaving him for a man who’s held down a job for 6-7 months. Or as women like you call them…a baller.
You’ll then put Steve on child support and take half of what he gets on his new job. And besides, let’s be real about it, a woman that would date a man fresh off of unemployment, probably isn’t a woman that most men want carrying their kids. Which explains why you’re 34 and not married and no child. CLYDE.
During my wedding 8 years ago I had a STRICT no kids policy at my wedding reception. My sister insisted on bringing her five children to the reception. For the entire night I fielded complaints from other wedding guests who felt that this was an unfair. My sister travelled 3,000 miles to be in my wedding and I felt like I owed her that.
My sister is getting married in 2 months and she has implemented the same policy for her reception. She even said that I can’t bring my kids even thought I ALLOWED HER TO BRING HERS TO MY WEDDING ! This isn’t fair Clyde what should I do? OCALA, FL
Two words, Nyquil and Tazers. Kids are wonderful but it sucks that they can sometimes prevent us adults from enjoying life. Wedding receptions are an opportunity for you to guzzle free booze and food. Take the kids with you to the wedding but leave them in the hotel room and give them nyquil. 4-5 shots each. this should keep them sleep long enough for you to go and enjoy yourself. CLYDE.
During my wedding 8 years ago I had a STRICT no kids policy at my wedding reception. My sister insisted on bringing her five children to the reception. For the entire night I fielded complaints from other wedding guests who felt that this was an unfair. My sister travelled 3,000 miles to be in my wedding and I felt like I owed her that.
My sister is getting married in 2 months and she has implemented the same policy for her reception. She even said that I can’t bring my kids even thought I ALLOWED HER TO BRING HERS TO MY WEDDING ! This isn’t fair Clyde what should I do? OCALA, FL
Two words, Nyquil and Tazers. Kids are wonderful but it sucks that they can sometimes prevent us adults from enjoying life. Wedding receptions are an opportunity for you to guzzle free booze and food. Take the kids with you to the wedding but leave them in the hotel room and give them nyquil. 4-5 shots each. this should keep them sleep long enough for you to go and enjoy yourself. CLYDE.
I’m 14 and I have been dating this girl, Alice for two months. When we started dating I told her I had sex before and I had just quit smoking and drinking. Well, Alice told her mom and now her mom doesnt believe I quit drinking or smoking. She also believes that I will pressure her daughter into having sex with me.
I want Alice’s mom to approve of me because it’ll make it easier on our relationship. I’ve been to their house three times and I’ve met her mom her dad and her aunt. The dad and aunt approve of me but the mom talks about me behind my back.
What can I do to get her mom to like me? KEITH- GULFPORT, MS
Hey Keith. The solution to your issue lies within the problem. Your girlfriends mom thinks youre a drunk who smokes and likes to have sex. But any parent who would let a drunk, smoking 14 year-old date her daughter is probably a drunk herself.
The last thing a drunk wants to meet is another drunk. You’re a threat to her alcohol supply. The way to a drunks heart is through their liver. Go to your local liquor store and pay some homeless guy to purchase alcohol for you and give it to Alice’s mom as a gift. Doesnt really matter what alcohol you get her just make sure its something nice that comes in a box with matching glasses or one of those little NASCAR visors.
Pretty soon you and her mom will be getting drunk together , her daughter will be pregnant by 15 and then you can move in and share a bunk bed with Alice’s Brother. Three Generations in one Double-wide. You’ll be the envy of the trailer park. CLYDE.
